Baking Comedy Fan Gifts

'Well Shirley, you've got to be brave now... I fear that sun tan won't protect your cake from getting burned in the oven.'

"Wow, fresh bread! Is it ready yet?"

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Bad fake tan day.

Giraffe Umbrella

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Vlad the Impala

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

A Fairytale Update

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I brought back important data on that blue planet called Earth."

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"That is an outrageous slur."

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'Just follow these simple instructions.'