Baking Benchwarmer Pillows

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

"I AM at my usual position."

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

"I'm a monster."

'Radford, go in for Bloom. ... Uh-uh-uh! Finish your vegetables first!'

"What does she have that I don't?"

With all that Christmas baking left, that's a bad thing...(egg prices soar).

''Spiced mill cider and home made apple pie.' Am I supposed to freshen the room with this or have it for dessert?'

'I think we should leave a trail of crumbs so we don't get lost.'

Feathered frenzy

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

"Nurse, I think I need to use the bread pan."

'Only the high-traffic path needs cleaning - from the couch to the bar.'

'Well, Tom, your blood sugar is way too high!'

"This man has a compliant with a pie brought to the company picnic."

"That's right, Scotty. You came from your Mommy's Belly."

Spring Training

Be a friend.

'It's from the cat. I think it's a pound cake.'

"I like making pastry... It gets your hands clean."

"Your cholesterol level is through the roof, you've got a nasty case of gingivitis, and to ice things off... yeast confection."

'The New York stock exchange is up twelve and a half points n early trading. Nasdaq is down on and a quarter!'

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'

Harold Plump: 'Here I lie . . . no apple pie.'

"Tell me about these nightmares."

Whisk

Nobody has been on the this team longer, without actually playing in a game than you guys. We're setting a benchmark!