Bad Tip Raconteur Pillows

"Yes, I remember you. I recommend the house Merlot. It goes well with a bad tip."

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

'Are you blind ref?'

Crafty Fish.

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

"Coco, stop eating your food properly and play with it like your brothers!"

"I think the lines down!"

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

How Platypuses Are Born

Crime and punishment - football.

'And not only do we think you were lying when you told us Larry went on a winter vacation, we think you had something to do with it!'

'Dear Abby: I continually find myself asking for advice from complete strangers. Please help.'

"Aside from Domino’s, China Palace and Lupe’s Fiesta Garden, do you have any professional references?"

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

'Well yes there was life before television but it didn't amount to much. . .'

"What's that welt, Gracie?"

Clancy: Advice for a Bad Memory

"What little money I had I invested in myself. I lost everything."

Wash your hands. . . like you just shook his hand.

Tell me what you know about destiny...

"I am boomer. . . Hear me whine!"