Bad News Acceptor Pillows

Desert - Steep Hill sign.

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

Fear of news.

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

The Best Laid Plans

"Let's see what's going on in the world."

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

'I'm going to prescribe for you to stay away from the news on TV and all social media!'

"I'm not getting out of bed. What's the point? Things keep getting worse every day. Even my toothbrush depresses me... I'll just continue sleeping until the world comes to its senses." "Amen."

'Hey! Have you heard the awful news?!'

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

2016 Policlicks

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

"There, there, dear. It's perfectly normal for a new bride on her wedding night to shit like a goose on her husband."

The Occupy a Barstool Movement.

"We find pizza softens the blow of bad news."

"I envy you, not having any idea of what's going on these days."

'Stocks rose on news that random acts of kindness today outnumbered random acts of violence.'

'How did you do with those stocks I recommended?'

'The news on tv is SO depressing, I've decided to stop watching it.' 'Is that permitted?!'

So much to be cross about, so little time.

"My insomnia is getting worse, doctor - I can't even sleep now when there is a party political programme on television."

"Oh my God have you seen this sh-"

"At last — no Trump."

'Do you have a pair that's small on the outside and large on the inside?'

Man walking in the desert things that he has found salvation only to be informed that he is screwed.

"...then my date shows up early and I'm still covered in mud. So embarrassing."

'I want you to stop watching the 'Cable News Network,' and switch to the 'Ignorance is Bliss' channel.'

'The evening news will not be seen tonight, because most of it is stuff you're better off not knowing anyway.'

Man Reading From Within Bullet-Proof Box

"I put a news blocker on my dad's computer."