Backrub Aficionado Gifts

"… Now a little to the left … that's it, honey, nice … mmm … OK, now get lost."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

'More bubbles!'

"Absolutely not!"

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

Loofah Lady

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"There's no need to be em'bear'rassed about what you like!"

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'I also offer massage therapy.'

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

Arhimedes had principles: 'I'm not getting in that bath till it's 23 degrees.'

Lobster Hot Tub Party.

Things were going extremely well until last night's chilli reared its ugly head.

The only creation God was truly proud of was the Sabbath

No you can't get out yet. You've only been in there for three hours

The Manicure.

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

In the shaving cut operating room of a hospital.

"When I think about all the sticks I chased after, and what it did to my joints. . ."

Massage parlour offering therapeutic, Swedish, and ego massages.

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

Man in Bath

Man looking at his shower-bath on a cold morning

'Oh boy, hot tubs!'

Time to trim the eyebrows!

"Honey, it was a hard day. I'm going to take a bath."

"Come on, let me cut your fringe! You look ridiculous!"

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

"Well sir. . . you could have a crew cut, flat top, a stiff quiff, a hi-top fade. . . "

'It's the 'SPA KING 2000': Someone who spends as much time in the water as you do would love it...'

"Mind if I take a bath first, pet."