Back Story Enthusiast T-Shirts

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'Where was the TSA?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Audio Books

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Jacques et Jille

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

Hansel and Gretal

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

Alberich steals the gold

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"Personally, I loved your novel. Unfortunately, our e-book editor says it just doesn't work on the little screen!"

'Not only didn't he turn into a prince, but he gave me these awful warts!'

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

"So, kids, you should all be thankful we don't live during a potato famine. Especially you, Jimmy."