Baby's Firsts Enthusiast Pillows

'The baby cut a tooth today.'

A midwife holding a baby

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'The child is very illogical'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

'Boy, if you'd just stop roaming around, it would be easier to find you...'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

Baby has used blocks to spell out 'SO VERY BORED'.

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

"They look so young and helpless."

'Hey, big deal! We're all new kids on the block!'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

Maternity Ward

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

Uterus: One size fits all.

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

'How many fingers do you see?'

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

Bouncing baby

'You're up the duff with a bun in the oven.'

Giving Birth