Baby Duty Escapist Pillows

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

Fairy tale

Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here.

'You expect me to play with educational toys during SUMMER VACATION?'

Stop staring at that screen saver!

"Oh, great. The bunny runs away and lives high on the hog on my tax dollars. Next!"

"This is highly confidential, so, yes, we built a little fort."

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

Man disposes of baby's nappy in a toxin waste bin.

Worker to Boss: "I'd like to work flexible hours to avoid my children."

"Your Honor, we, the jury, find this one too close to call."

Will Make You Sick So You Can Go Home.

"Hon, I feel like riding out into big-sky country."

American Idle

'Not Andy. He'd rather do anything than go on the family vacation.'

Yet another family that decided to drop everything and follow The Grateful Dead around for a while.

"We outsourced our joyless TV dinners to a delightful couple from next door."

"Ooooohhhh, that feels so good. Now, down and a little to the right, please."

"You didn't tell the kids where we moved to, did you?"

"Lucky for us, mother has been stress baking lately."

"I've decided to re-enter the workforce so I can spend less time with my family."

Vending machines read: Snacks/Coffee/Stare out the window.

Lady to caveman: 'Watch your step - I just waxed the stalagmites.'

"Hey, what's the chance we can get some cable TV in here?"

"The scary part of retirement wouldn't be just financial. It would be having Larry around all the time."

"Every time it comes on I feel like leaving the house."

Kid with dog pool toy reads sign at swimming pool saying 'No dogs allowed'.

"Mom, I've decided to move in with grandma and grandpa."