Awkwardness Connoisseur T-Shirts

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."

"God help us, it's that guy."

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

"All in favor of telling Anderson about that thing stuck to his lip, say aye."

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

'Maybe you need to practice walking.'

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

I've got to run to my job interview! Do I have spinach between my teeth?

"Look, I know Estella has a boyfriend. I would never try to break them up. But it's not illegal to text friends...and we're still friends..."

Recession the plus side: embarrassing 'water cooler moments' less frequent.

The Awkwardly Informal Meet Up Group

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"Gee, I hate gatherings like these! I never know the right thing to say..."

"So, have you two been doing anything reproductive?"

'Excuse me, Mr. Pavlik, but that gentleman you called an idiot is here. Should I still say you're not in?'

'I've never felt like this on a first date, Tom, you're suffocating me.'

'Your mother is not a good loser is she?'

"All you had to do was ASK us to leave!"

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."