Awkward But Awesome Pillows

"I'm terrible with names, and even worse with faces."

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'Couldn't you think of anything to say to Herb and Mary? They were nice enough to invite us over.'

"I know you're scared, but you can do this! Remember that time I had to clean up after you and I didn't have a bag and had to use leaves?! I was so afraid, but I did it…"

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"Ma'am, why don't you go ahead of me?" "Um... no thanks. Let's let this gentleman go ahead of us." "Oh, no... you ladies go right ahead!"

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

'Show one more kitten photo,lady and the next time you see me will be on a 'missing' poster!'

"God help us, it's that guy."

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

"All in favor of telling Anderson about that thing stuck to his lip, say aye."

Whilst browsing in his local flea market, Jimmy has an awkward encounter with an ex.

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

'Look. . . for the last time, I'm not playin' 'footsie' with you!'

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

'Maybe you need to practice walking.'

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

Gerald's first ever date remains on track.

Hugs and knucklebumps don't mix.

"OK, here comes Sylvia Sanchez...it's a perfect time to ask her to the homecoming dance."

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

"Gee, I hate gatherings like these! I never know the right thing to say..."

I've got to run to my job interview! Do I have spinach between my teeth?

'I don't care how educationally beneficial you guys may thing it is, I am not showing you the girl's video. That's what google's for.'

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

Recession the plus side: embarrassing 'water cooler moments' less frequent.