Award Show Cynic Pillows

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"Nihilistic customer service"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

The Forever Stamp

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

'You're King Kong? You look bigger in the movies.'

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

Obama builds own gallows.

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

'The dip in profits here is attributed to the purchase of this projector and screen.'

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

Born Cynical,,,,

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

Old Rope

"I started out looking for an honest man and settled for a guy with creative bookkeeping skills."

Mail & Political lies.