Award Seekers Pillows

'Dang! -- STILL no lifetime achievement award!'

Butterfly Woman

Lady to man taking picture of fish: 'Wiggle him a little and get him to smile.'

'Guess what? I won again.'

"I hope you're good, Charlie. I've only played a couple of times."

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

Soccer coach of the year.

'Oh no its going to be one of those days.'

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

They were long past their canine pasts, but the rare stamp brought out the beast in them.

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

Norman E-Mailer

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Arcade Game Baseball.

"I'm Walter Grimes and I approve this drink."

"They finally gave me the employee of the month award, but it kind of loses its meaning when every single other employee has already gotten it five times."

Will Smith's Oscar

School administrator of the year "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

"Great. First our funding ran out, now the rat."

Theodore Roosevelt wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

Most Loyal Employee Award

'In a surprise move today, the members of the Nobel Committee awarded all of this year's Nobel Prizes to each other.'

Monkey casino study.

'No bonus this year, Felton, but I've nominated you for a Grammy.'

'Sir Percy is here for his Purple Heart, Sire.'

'I had no idea there was a Nobel Prize for school custodian.'