Award Seasons Pillows

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Eco-Anxiety For All Seasons

Welcome Spring.

"Happy Gnu Year!"

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"An early spring was just a prediction- I can't actually control the weather!"

Sunbathing in Autumn

"The rolling wheels...the ringing bells...signal the deliciousness of summer."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

The Last Leaf

"I'm telling you, she's the best in her field."

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

Look At Me I'm Still Wearing Shorts.

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Bed Seasons

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Win - win

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

Fall on a desert island

'I love all the seasons! Fall and winter have great holidays, and spring and summer school gets out!'

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Climate change

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

'Gee, where are all the crowds this year?'