Award Acceptor Gifts

'...and I'd like to thank my dear old Mother for kicking me in the backside when I needed it!'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Win - win

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Soccer coach of the year.

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

'This one is for Hide and Seek.'

Employee of the month...

'Just to keep everybody on their toes, let's can the employee of the month.'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

'This one is for not hinting in T.V. interviews that Burma's pacifists should be send WMPs.'

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

'My thanks go first to the Nobel Committee for this great honor, and to my son who encouraged me to keep my mind agile with word games, and puzzles.'

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Norman E-Mailer

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

Many certificates of achievement on the wall.

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.