Award Acceptor Gifts

'...and I'd like to thank my dear old Mother for kicking me in the backside when I needed it!'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

Win - win

Cat Show

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Soccer coach of the year.

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

'This one is for Hide and Seek.'

Employee of the month...

'Just to keep everybody on their toes, let's can the employee of the month.'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

Norman E-Mailer

'This one is for not hinting in T.V. interviews that Burma's pacifists should be send WMPs.'

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

'My thanks go first to the Nobel Committee for this great honor, and to my son who encouraged me to keep my mind agile with word games, and puzzles.'

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

Many certificates of achievement on the wall.

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'