Avid Conversationalist Pillows

I guess this won't be a cartoon...

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"It's too good. I think it's going to be a forgery, not just a copy."

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

Subway. The economy is surging! I hope protections are in place. In a digital world, a surge can lead to a system crash.

Pallbearers sitting around radio: 'This just in! Tributes are pouring in for the legendary tenor Pavarotti, who passed away earlier today....'

"All the good ones are neutered."

'I see that you're a fully integrated immigrant to this country.'

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

"Phil is my Vice President in Charge of Snappy Comebacks."

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

The Ly'in Starts Here.

'I chase women, but only to tell them about investment opportunities.'

"Do you play?"

"It's a lovingly handcrafted beer, citra and summit hopped, with notes of lime, passion fruit and ...."

Men telling stories

Books 'n' Coffee

"There's a smidgen of Charlie Rose about you."

"Hey, this is on me!"

'I'm not writing 'gifts optional' on your birthday party invitation again this year 'cause no one got you a gift.'

'I've been thinking about this whole Santa thing.'

"Actually, I'm not a New York Yankees fan. I'm a New York Yankees cap fan."

"I feel I have perspective but mostly because I'm tall."

Doctor's advice.

'It's all about hunting and killing with you, isn't it? Why can't you just have fun in the woods?'

'Which choo-choo train is appropriate?'

"As kindergarten taught me, a liberal application of glitter can hide a host of flaws."