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"Once again, we're boarding only our Elite Premium passengers at this time. Thank you."

"Hold on -- your boarding pass says 'possum,' but your passport says 'opossum.'"

"And they'll remain in captivity until they are fully rehabilitated and able to fly again."

"Ladies and gentlemen, is there a bankruptcy attorney on board?"

"Don't worry—he surrounds himself with good people."

"This is coach class. Let's lose the smile."

RAF Rapidly Approaching Fifty

'Immediately after Orville Wright's historic 12-second flight, his luggage could not be located.

'This one's for coffee.'

'Yikes! I wonder how long his flight has been delayed.'

"No, you're not in a box. You're in an exit row. And I need you to acknowledge that verbally."

"So it's agreed then. There'll be no third runway, and you'll head the Fourth Runway steering group."

'If at first you don't succeed, then sky-diving probably isn't for you!'

"Someone must love someone very much indeed."

"That was funny like a thousand miles ago."

'I need a plane I can fly high enough each day to smoke my cigars without offending anyone.'

"OK, head on down then take the second lane on the right, hang a left then first right, up ahead is the runway. You can't miss it."

"Right, the next couple through we'll strip search!"

"We're airship people, not mega-airship people."

"This is so cool! I'm flying this thing completely on my Palm pilot!"

'He's texting again.'

'I'll be honest. Your chances of success are slim.'

To lower health-care costs, many physicians are teaming up with airport security.

Gorilla on Empire State Building tempted by helicopters carrying banana.

'Trade you seats?'

Flying 101: Keep landings equal to take offs.

Scared as Hell Airlines.

"At this time I'd like to ask you to remain calm, fasten your seat belt and flap your arms just as fast as you can."

'You can relax now, ladies and gentlemen, , , we're through all of that rough turbulence,'

A sky writer writes, 'Thank you.'

'I thought we'd never break through those clouds!'

Incontinental Airlines: 'Okay sir, will that be a window, an aisle or a bathroom seat?'

"Phew! I narrowly avoided a near miss!"

Global Airlines - "As I come to the Balance Sheet figures, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling."

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"