Avant-garde Appreciator Gifts

'It's from my strange-but-not-as-strange-as-I-am-now period.'

The Abstract, The Modernist, The Avant-Guard.

'He must be the Avant-Guard.'

"Cool! A work of art by Christo!"

"I had a dream last night. It inspired me to paint."

The Bland Leading the Bland

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"That's Julian you can hear, he's really arty-farty this evening"

£1,000,000 work of art vandalised by Join the Dots puzzle addict!

Igor Stravinsky

Ettore Uzza's Half-A-Loaf

"Crap?! Hey, this is made by a black, circumcised, lesbian woman and that's why it's art!"

Metropolitan Art Center current exhibit: Father of the Finger-In-Your-Eye School of Modern Art.

A Footnote - Self Portrait of Beardsley, Bound to the God of Nature

The Abbe- For Beardsley's Story 'Under the Hill'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

A person is catching bird poo on a blank canvas to make portraits.

Meet the Artist

"Acrylic, hemp, fire wax on mirrored aluminum and stainless steel."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"Well, yes, it's not what you would call a practical nest, but my wife insisted on using an architect..."

'Projectile painting.'

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"We tried 'Baby Mozart,' but he prefers 'Baby John Cage.'"

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

The Cremaster Cycle

Yoko Ono

'Isn't that wonderful? We both suffer from intellectual angst!'

The revolution that hit Hollywood hardest:The Thinking Pictures."

'Magnolia, Michaelangelo, the ceiling was meant to be magnolia!'

Samuel Beckett

"I can deal with the conceptual art and electronic music, but what are these hors d'oeuvres supposed to be."

"Please turn on your cell phones."