Automated Message Survivors Prints

"If you want to know what you can do with your recorded message, press 1 now..."

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

'And in conclusion.'

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

'There's a gentleman here who's concerned because you haven't responded to not one of his 12 million email spams.'

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

Essay Paper.

When boomerangs argue.

"....To hear those options again, press the pound sign, or click your heels three times to return to the main menu."

Surveillance over the suggestion box.

"The long prayer peek."

Damn predictive text, did you mean to break up with me or 'brick my tit'?"

"Is this the queue for Funworld?"

Bored Meeting

"I know what the 'e' in 'email' stand for...endless."

'I'm switching to another provider,dear.'

'Thanks for not letting cancer define who you are.'

"They say you should beware of attachments."

'And that pretty much sums it up.'

Why they're called 'bullet points'.

"Here, I'll call the credit department for you...you might wanna push 'seven' on here."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"Today's training will be mainly about how to pretend to stay awake and interested while watching a really dull presentation."

"Your appointment with the doctor is at eleven-fifteen, but his appointment with you is at twelve-fifteen."

'Wow! I've got one from someone I know!'

"I can honestly say I feel really refreshed after that presentation. I slept all the way through it!"

Spam on Mousetrap

Message in a Bottle: Have a Nice Day

"I'll go, but only if you promise we won't stay long."

"If you'd like to hear the options again, curse in any language."

'For acall centre in Bangalore press 1 - for one in Hyderbad press......'