Autobiographer Pillows

"With proper editing, I've had a good life."

"Is this book a true story or is it true it's a story?"

Autobiographer holds up a mirror to his face.

'It's my suicide note. Chapter 147.'

"Good autobiography, but I preferred your memoirs."

"Yes, my autobiography contains an entire chapter detailing how I borrowed but failed to return Phil O'Brien's power washer, which explains why I shouldn't have hired Phil O'Brien as my ghost writer."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

Ban on Free Speech

Edgar Allen Poe

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Thomas Mann.

"Meet the author"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Reading my Critics

Blue Stockings