Auto Humorist Pillows

'Herbert, don't you think it's time to buy a new car?'

'This one comes with transparent windows as standard.'

'His airbag must have over inflated.'

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

CLEAR!

Volkswagen Scandal

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

'Beware of SUV.'

"Don't you ever run off again to get your oil changed without telling me."

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

'Oh I could fix it for under fifty bucks, but I just couldn't live with myself knowing that someday you might need a whole new engine.'

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

Disoriented while talking on his cell phone, Pat made a series of wrong turns in the unfamiliar office park.

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'... Yes, that's right. It has had one careful owner and three not so careful owners.'

"Your new car won't start? Oh, well, umm…that's just the car's Collision Avoidance System kicking in. It doesn't want you to hit anything today."

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

No Hand Signals

"It's important to fix the horn because the brakes don't work..."

Lucky car.

Person who refuses to admit age on board. Feel free to drive with wild and reckless abandon.

Australian Sat Nav - 'Straight on mate'.

Pine tree driving a truck with a human-shaped air freshener hanging off the mirror

"It's a hybrid if you think it is. Runs on gas and the power of positive thinking."

Driving a Lemon.

'Why can't you ride under the dash like other airbags?'

"I've just had my panel 5 beaten...."

"I got a 'millennial anti-theft device' in my car." "Steering wheel lock?" "Stick shift."

De-Caf Drivers Right Lane Only

"So tell me about your early years on the road..."

My car idles well! It learned a lot from you!

"..and I've recently had it converted to LGP"