Auto Dealer Pillows

'Would you be interested in adding a few options?'

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

"Would you like to super-size that?"

"You know, maybe he's not the small-business man he claims to be."

'I just want to warn you if you buy this, you may never again know if people like you for you or your corvette.'

'I meant, how flexible are you on price?'

'Just came in. It's a repo.'

'I wish I could accept your offer but I really wanted to sell the whole car.'

Vehicle Sales.

"And even though this is an older used model... it's perfect for those out-of-the-way places!"

"Do you have anything much smaller that can paradoxically hold many more people."

I don't care what the mileage is I can't just show up in a Toyota Prius I man, c'mon, Lorraine - I'm Captain Freakin' America for cryin' out loud

"Twenty preprogrammed hand gestures allow you to signal everything from a simple lane change to homicidal rage."

'Driverless cars are coming.'

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

This tire comes with a one million mile warranty.

"As you can hear, it has an engine that purrs ... '

Auto leasing

'This baby says you've arrived. A little late perhaps. Missed a turn, had to stop for directions, but eventually got there.'

"This new car is so smart, it wrote its own AUTObiography."

"It comes fully equipped with all the latest safety features ? aside from the optional life-car."

'I'm thinking even up, with my old car's trade-in value.'

"And this model features a nifty, manual back-up device."

'If you're a driver who likes it all, take a look at this! Sour cream, onions, cheddar cheese, and bacon bits - this baby's loaded!!!'

Locally made, handcrafted cars - no two alike.

"I hope the four-wheel drive dealership isn't too far."

'When I shift gears, it sticks in the fourth quarter.'

"I want one that's going to fall apart. . ."

"How long will the 'previously owned' smell last?"

Teds Autos - Never knowingly undersealed.

"Fuel economy and towing capacity. Those are my primary considerations."

"And as you can see, the spare log has never been used."

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

Ernie, this car you're selling was worthless when you got it and is worthless now! For Sale. That's why my sign says it'll "retain its value." And it's certain this wiring will cause a huge fire any day now. I say it's "sure to start up." You think it's environmentally friendly? No, I call it a "hybrid" because it has lots of mismatched junkyard parts meant for older models. And the interior is full of mold .. so I let people know it's a "green car"!

"Never mind the transmission and the brakes. Is there a warranty on the horn?"