Author Talk T-Shirts

"Don Wood? I don't know any Don Wood!"

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

Ban on Free Speech

Edgar Allen Poe

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Thomas Mann.

"Meet the author"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Reading my Critics