Author Talk Gifts

"Don Wood? I don't know any Don Wood!"

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"Meet The Author"

Edgar Allen Poe

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Victor Hugo

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

Thomas Mann.

"Meet the author"

Ban on Free Speech

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Reading my Critics

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."