Author Event Gifts

Meet the author Billy Bovine.

Book signing on a desert island.

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Ban on Free Speech

Edgar Allen Poe

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Thomas Mann.

"Meet the author"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Reading my Critics