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"I really enjoyed the Bible."

Frontispiece to 'The Pickwick Papers'

"My novel? I've put it on hold. I'm writing my response in case I get asked to do on eof those 'How I write' columns..."

'I'm also talking about writing a book.'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

"That's five votes for In The Midst of Winter....three votes for The Hollow Ground....and, again, one vote for Moby-Dick."

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"Do you think the flat earth society has members round the globe?"

"No es problema para mi si no es problema para ti."

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

"Now that was post-modern sex."

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

"Yes, could you discuss the inspiration for the protagonist? Specifically, the motivations which propel the direction of his narrative?" "I would prefer not to." "Bartleby, the author."

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Spelling a newspaper

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

"Sorry, I don't have an opinion - just in case I get vilified on social media. . ."

"It's time we have a talk about the alternate facts of life.

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

"I just completely disagree with what you just said about America lacking focus."

"And he paraphrased New York Judge Gerard Lynch when he said our country has an overinflated system of incarceration that is far too punitive, disproportionate in its impact on the poor, exceedingly costly and largely impotent in reducing crime. Anyway, that's what I learned in school today."

"C'mon, Hillary – just answer the question!"

"When I was a teenager 'Saturday Night Live' had Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman..."