Audio Actor Gifts

"Instead of careful interpretation of the prose, maybe try pronouncing even the most basic words like an insane person?"

Shepherd and eurydice

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

"Bond James, Bond."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

They hated me.

"Just be yourself."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

Benedict Cumberbatch

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

A fairy with wand and crown in pink tutu

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'They all want to play the star.'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

'Hamlet'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."