Attentive Gifts

'I think you'll find that I'm a very good listener.'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Likes: $2.

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

Look At Me I'm Still Wearing Shorts.

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

Ballet School - Ring For Attention.

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

EXTROVERTS ANONYMOUS

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

"These cartoons are insulting! I don't like it at all! I would never watch something that shows Latinos like this!"

"No, it hasn't anything to do with my presentation. But wait until you see how I hold everyone's attention with it sitting next to me at the podium."

"Office of quality assurance"

Try to hold your audience's attention when giving a presentation.

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

The universe that has me at the center of it is my kind of universe!

'Seriously folks...'

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

"Let's go someplace else. There are no paparazzi here."

Mentioning 'Sex'

'Boy that Donna BUGS me! Every party she goes to, she ALWAYS has to make a grand entrance!'

As Seen On TV

"It's not for you, it's for the paparazzi."

"Yes, we see you, Tom... but could you hold your comments until the end of the meeting?"

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

Media Whore Raceway.

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'

"All the world's gotta do is look at me once, and I'll tap dance until I die."

Attention surplus

'She doesn't know that listening is not the same as mentally rehearsing her answers.'

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'