Attending Wine Parties Gifts

'I don't claim to know everything about wine - just 97%.'

"May I have this arythmic flail?"

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

A very fine vintage

Zoo Society Costume Party. Lot's of people had the same idea --- We're surrounded by fake gnus.

'I don't like her line of gossip - it's never about anyone I know.'

"Hi!- standards need lowering?"

'Here. Don't forget to put on your 'party face'.'

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

"Oh, my, I can tell—everybody in there has read Barbara Tuchman."

'This Chardonnay is so over-oaked, it comes with a 2-year service contract from Terminix.'

Wine: New & Old!!!

"Pretty label... shiny bottle... I'll take it!"

"Barry made the wine. I made the cheese."

"Going early was a good idea. So was bringing our own bottle of wine, While we're on the subject, so was the wheel."

"The host? He'll be the guy standing here, alone, when the wine's gone."

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"He's my escort, and he's a teddy bear."

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'

'Another triple, Joe -I'm trying to forget several women.'

"December 29, 1991: Janet sacrifices months of self esteem therapy for the perfect New Year's Eve dress." "It's called an 'Everest' gown because it would be a monumental task to squeeze that mountain you call an ass into it."

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"Oh, she just wants attention or needs help."

"Edwin says Cole Porter is overrated."

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'

'Socrates, you've been drinking again.'

Welcome to my cellar!

"That? Oh, uh yah...that was Stuart."

'Really, a foreign wine? What will the NSA think?'

'Enjoy?...How?'

'We were going to give you a severance package, but we used it to throw you this retirement party instead.'

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

'It's just Frank's ghost returning for a bottle of wine. It doesn't tend to keep well, where he ended up.'

"Okay, so you'll remind me who these people are, and later I'll explain their jokes to you."