Attending Funerals Pillows

'His pacemaker's lasting longer than he did.'

'I never know what to do with my hands at a funeral.'

He looks so natural lying there...

'He loved that dog.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

Dead Man's Handel

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

Undertaker's Flower Box.

A signaller directing pallbearers

Goldfish funeral

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"Will you all please bow your heads for the reading of the menu."

'I tend to bury stuff.'

“Sorry, we don’t accept the living dead.”

"Mom, Dad – I’d like you to meet Edna."

"Is it me, or does the old man still look angry at us for denting his Cadillac?"

Bug Funerals

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

At the funeral of the amazing Voltar.

"It's nice, but how do you adjust the sleep number?''

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, pollen to pollen, mold to mold