Attachment Gifts

"People who don't believe in soulmates just haven't met the right animal."

'I sent out for everything.'

Lynching on social media

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'How fast can you hype?'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Counting ribs

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

Typical Brain Versus Einstein's Brain

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Any time is cake o'clock

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

'They all want to play the star.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

Ice Cream Surgeon

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

What the Doctor Ordered

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Historical memory is on life support.

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'