Athletics Coach Gifts

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

'I do think we might have relaxed our 'No Smoking' policy on this one occasion, Mr. Crips. . .'

'Next time aim to vault OVER the bar.'

"Now, Chalmers, imagine you're a particle whizzing round the Hadron Collider..."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

I like the Jets...I guess

Football Fans

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

Church for sports worshipers.

"Portrait of a Lady"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

Go team!

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Punt Cake

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"I AM at my usual position."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

'This wasn't quite the fairytale ending that Colin had anticipated...'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

Pete Sampras

I think this interleague play is getting out of hand.

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'