Atheism Aficionado T-Shirts

"How can it be an 'Act of God'? Your policy states you're an atheist."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Gunter Grass

Stephen Spender.

Nun Fight.

Schrodinger's Black Box

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

Noel Coward.

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

"What did Jesus order?"

Ironing Punctuation

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

The ecumenical dinner party.

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

My Literary Influences

Sherlock Holmes Museum: No Hounds.

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

'Why did Moses wander in the desert for forty years?'

'I'll let your people go when they're fully pyramid-compliant!'

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

Library

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'