Astrology Gifts

'Hmm...yes, I'm afraid it is a sign of cancer.'

'My horoscope says I'll be noticed by people who count.'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'Johannes Kepler's uphill batle'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

"The spirits say you have all the data. Just do something."

Separating fact from fiction will be your main objective this morning.

'There's a flaw in your experimental design. All the mice are libras.'

'My horoscope says I'm due for a surprise today.'

'A lot of rubbish. We Leos aren't that easily fooled.'

'Here's your problem. The software was manufactured in November and your computer was manufactured in February. Sagittarius is incompatible with Aquarius.'

Horoscope - Look out for Large Windfall (Man crushed by giant apple).

"Gas, is it the future?"

"I've been predicting a sudden death next week for all my clients lately: Funny hey?!"

Palm reading and stock projections.

"My client pleads not guilty on the grounds that Saturn was transiting his natal Pluto at the time of the incident."

'Are you sure that's right, only we Sagittarians aren't usually that ambitious.'

Chinese New Year of the Tiger.

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

'I've always found the stars disappointingly small.'

'My horoscope said I would be taking a long trip today.'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'My horoscope says I'm going to meet a bearded horny stranger.'

'Why, yes, I am a Capricorn...how did you know?'

'I must admit I like the idea of introducing a line of cigarettes named for astrological signs, but how about starting off with Pisces.'

What star sign are you, let me guess...libra?

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'Far out! How did you pick me as a leo?'

Fortunes. . .$20, Impressions. . .$10, Clenches. . . $5, Wild Guess. . . $2.

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'I told you I refuse to be born today. I don't want to be Aries.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

"You're a lesbian, how nice, I'm a pisces"

'Capricorns have all the luck.'