Astrology Gifts

'Hmm...yes, I'm afraid it is a sign of cancer.'

'My horoscope says I'll be noticed by people who count.'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'Johannes Kepler's uphill batle'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

Separating fact from fiction will be your main objective this morning.

"The spirits say you have all the data. Just do something."

'There's a flaw in your experimental design. All the mice are libras.'

'A lot of rubbish. We Leos aren't that easily fooled.'

'My horoscope says I'm due for a surprise today.'

'Here's your problem. The software was manufactured in November and your computer was manufactured in February. Sagittarius is incompatible with Aquarius.'

Horoscope - Look out for Large Windfall (Man crushed by giant apple).

"My client pleads not guilty on the grounds that Saturn was transiting his natal Pluto at the time of the incident."

"Gas, is it the future?"

'Are you sure that's right, only we Sagittarians aren't usually that ambitious.'

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

Chinese New Year of the Tiger.

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

"I've been predicting a sudden death next week for all my clients lately: Funny hey?!"

Palm reading and stock projections.

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'Well, I say it is part of a grand design.'

What star sign are you, let me guess...libra?

It was at that moment that Martin realised that the world was changing.

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'Why, yes, I am a Capricorn...how did you know?'

'I'm not sure this will work, Brian. I'm a water sign and you're an earth sign. Together, we make mud.'

'Far out! How did you pick me as a leo?'

'I must admit I like the idea of introducing a line of cigarettes named for astrological signs, but how about starting off with Pisces.'

'I told you I refuse to be born today. I don't want to be Aries.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

'My horoscope said I would be taking a long trip today.'

'I've always found the stars disappointingly small.'

"You're a lesbian, how nice, I'm a pisces"