Aspiring Stand-up Star T-Shirts

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

"You've tested positive for being awesome. Just kidding - it was negative."

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

'All I wanted to know is if that word was naughty.'

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

Directors chairs on movie set with Model, Actress, and Whatever on them

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

"I'll now take some rambling, nonsensical statements from the audience."

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

Nick Offerman

'Mummy, Mummy, I've been practising the whole afternoon: Wanna hear my evil laugh?'

"When I grow up, I want to be a Presidential impersonator on 'Saturday Night Live.'"

"This area is popular with would-be actresses and models,we call it 'Silicon Implants'."

'Prolonged sitting leads to death? What's up with that?'

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

"There are several words I could use to describe your condition, but I'm leaning towards whiney."

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."

'I was only famous for 14 and a half minutes.'

'I've learned that adding water to coffee only weakens the effect.'

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'

Waiting to be discovered, or taken to work, whichever comes first...

Dara O' Briain

Ventriloquism for Dummies.

'I can't play. I'm going 'Time Out Chair' shopping with my mom.'