Aspiring Humorist T-Shirts

"He's chasing his dreams."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"Three more years of high school."

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I considered running away, but since I'll probably be living at home until I'm 38, it's a bad career move.'

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

'All I wanted to know is if that word was naughty.'

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"You're not going anywhere, young man, until you probe and release your catch!"

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

'You'll get a promotion when hell freezes over.'

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

'Mummy, Mummy, I've been practising the whole afternoon: Wanna hear my evil laugh?'

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.