Aspiring Ivy Leaguer Pillows

'Yale's my first choice but any ivy school will do.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'I know I'm still in the Juniors, but I already need a therapist.'

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

"Oh, it's a grand day for Harvard!"

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up... Can I have your autograph please?'

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

"If you work hard enough, and find the right reality show, you can grow up to be anything you want."

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."

Yale shadow

"When I left Princeton, I spent a summer briefcasing in Europe."

"Why, it's Daphne—home from Foxcroft."

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

Spin Dentistry...'Hollywood, here I come...'

Always stick to the script.

"I know you went to Harvard, but stop asking to see my resume."