Aspiring Conversationalist Gifts

Mistress and servant

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

'It wasn't so much a hostile takeover as it was a best 2 out of 3 pillow fight.'

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'You used to be a living legend. Now you're a living has been.'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

"Filling up 10 cars with gas would be crazy expensive!"

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

"You've got a vow of silence? How interesting! Tell me all about that!"

'Whoa, Buddy, I think you've had enough...'

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

'Yes that's right I ordered 2 doubles. Why, did you want a drink too?'

'I've been thinking about this whole Santa thing.'

"I'm the most pathetic man on earth."

'I know about the birds, but what about the bees?'

Books 'n' Coffee

"Roger might be just right for you. He plans his entire day around the wild thing, too."

'I'm not writing 'gifts optional' on your birthday party invitation again this year 'cause no one got you a gift.'

"I feel I have perspective but mostly because I'm tall."

'Nine out of ten doctors think excessive drinking is bad for your health.'

"How does drinking help with your brainstorming ideas?"

"I'm filled with the holiday spirit. Single malt scotch."

'Which choo-choo train is appropriate?'

Sed Revocare Gradum.

'Tell me about the birds, Forget about the bees,'

Thought bubbles and speech bubbles