Aspiring Conversationalist Gifts

Mistress and servant

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'It wasn't so much a hostile takeover as it was a best 2 out of 3 pillow fight.'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'You used to be a living legend. Now you're a living has been.'

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

"Filling up 10 cars with gas would be crazy expensive!"

"You've got a vow of silence? How interesting! Tell me all about that!"

'Whoa, Buddy, I think you've had enough...'

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

'I've been thinking about this whole Santa thing.'

'I know about the birds, but what about the bees?'

"I'm the most pathetic man on earth."

Books 'n' Coffee

'I'm not writing 'gifts optional' on your birthday party invitation again this year 'cause no one got you a gift.'

"Roger might be just right for you. He plans his entire day around the wild thing, too."

'Yes that's right I ordered 2 doubles. Why, did you want a drink too?'

"I feel I have perspective but mostly because I'm tall."

'Nine out of ten doctors think excessive drinking is bad for your health.'

"How does drinking help with your brainstorming ideas?"

"I'm filled with the holiday spirit. Single malt scotch."

'Oh, come on!!? Don't be crazy, butterfly.'

'Tell me about the birds, Forget about the bees,'

Sed Revocare Gradum.