Artisanal Food Gifts

"Don't say anything, but these aren't really artisanal bread crumbs."

"Is the MSG local?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

A corner market is taken over by suburban sprawl.

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Bottle Distillery

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Mom? Eco club is starting a campaign to eat local food. Good idea. Would you please pack me a lunch from organic stuff grown near here? Ok. I'm sure we have something. Thanks! Oh, boy. A beet sandwich.

"Not while they're making artisanal bread."

'Tropical fruit, imported cheese, coconuts...I'm not really into that 'eat locally' stuff.'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"You wanted to see the pastry chef, sir."

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

(Direct to the Consumer)

'It's all local, except for the fish. They're from the ocean.'

The Salvador Deli

'I think we should eat out in the hotel tomorrow dear.'

"I see you've got a new cheese counter."

Adam and Eve and Scott

'I don't suppose you have any grey poupon?'

Cheesemaker

"And over here we have a painting called 'Tuna Melt with Pickles' or 'The Persistence of Appetite'."

Cheese Hole

"Your father and I were hoping for something a little less artisanal."

Cottage Industry

'Is it local?'

'I'd heard that they like to source their food locally'

"What's so great about eating local? It's all fast food."

"All our water is locally sourced. From a little something we call 'the kitchen faucet'."

"On the plus side, all the ingredients are local."

'I hate it when they take the food pyramid, mix it all together and serve it in a trough!'

Bread Stall

"I'll have the artist's lunch, if there is such."

Don