Artificial Gourmet Gifts

"Ah! dehydrogenated non-milk fat solids with a soupcon of deoxyhydropesane and sweetners...just like mum used to make."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"All our donuts are hand fried in what will eventually become biofuel."

Stuffing the turkey.

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

"The Bluetooth Special comes with a side order of Wi-Fi."

Cat eating fish from fishbowl.

"I didn't realize there was so many different kinds of vegetables!"

"Not bad, but it has a sort of plastic aftertaste."

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

'Eat your lettuce. It'll put colour back in your cheeks.'

Microwave confusion.

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

'If Darwin had been the cook on the Beagle' 'Menu- its Evolution'.

'Are you sure you washed this salad?'

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

"I certainly hope you're composting the leftovers."

"It needs a dash of gravel, I reckon."

'Now watch and listen!'

Salvador Deli

Chinese Novel Cookie

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'