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'Sir Galahad returns'

'Good God! What's that? I wish Merlin would stick to the occasional dragon manifestation and free eggs for the peasants.'

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

Lady of the bath...

Neptune

"The knights of the round accent table"

Swiss army knife

Knights of the bedside table.

'I'd like a round table!'

'Gee, I just never get tired of this!'

Knights queue up to attempt to pull excalibur with a claw machine.

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

Knights of the Square Table.

'Why round? Why not square? Or rectangle? Or a triangle? Or . . . '

'Put the sword back in the stone right now, little girl, and we'll pretend this never happened.'

'Whoever wants my job must lift the sword from the stone.'

'The small sword? That's for internships.'

Knights of the Round Whatever

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

Don Quixote knocking over a propeller.

"The road ahead is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

"They're my Knights of the Round Table! - Stop calling them my focus group!"

'The sword in the stone was just a warm-up - now you must remove this remote control ...'

A popular stall at the Giant Sunday Pack Horse Contents Sale in Newark.

Lady of the Remote

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

"But now it won't stay in mint condition."

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

"Whoa, Galahad-you've got a bad case of knight face."

Illustration for 'A Legend of Camelot', scene 2.

Camelot Arms Fair

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.