Art Thief Aficionado T-Shirts

"Do we want the label, too?"

A new case, Ernie...On a lark, two young girls broke into a museum and stole a half-dozen Peter Breugel paintings of Hades. Chicks nick six styx pics for kicks!

'Notice how the eyes appear to follow you around the room?'

You're my Mona Lisa.

Copycats

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Paul Klee

Cariactures

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

(Camel paintings)

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

German Expressionist Breakfast

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

Distractions Of The Great

Horti-Culture

"Mr. Right!"

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Baroque Peacock

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

Painting taking root...

Misunderstood artist

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

"You're my Mona Lisa."

Spring Training

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'