Art Scene Insider Gifts

"I call it, 'Utter Crap From A Drunk But You Nitwits Will Pay Me Fifty Grand For It Anyway'. Thoughts?"

Horse statue throws off rider.

The Cremaster Cycle

'Mom says finger painting was digital art before computers.'

"I could do that."

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

The Critic...

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

'I'm with the band.'

We put our child's art on the fridge - Unfortunately, she's a sculptor.

"Apparently, he had occasional sober periods."

'At first glance, my work may seem heavily ironic, but, culturally adjusted, it's really pretty sincere!'

'For the last time, this is NOT a public art event.'

'This painting makes no sense. Where are the directions?'

"My kid could buy that."

'What dynasty is that from?' 'Ming.'

Meet the Artist.

'Couldn't you at least unbutton your top button?'

"My dream is for this work to be crated and stored, somewhere in Singapore... forever."

"I'm unable to process this image."

'Oooh, these philistines! They placed my work of art upside down!'

Man shines torch on night sky painting and sees a house.

'An interesting gimmick to get attention.'

'Have you ever noticed that in cartoons the person on the left always talks first?'

'The impressionists always bring a tear to my eye.' - 'I hate them too.'

"He's the laziest self-publicist in the art world."

"Well, that was a waste of Monet..."

'I know it's dead - but is it art?'

Sounds of the Tsunami: 50 cents

Local Art Show

"A 5-year-old could do it."

"It's meaningless, lady, believe me—I painted it."

"Dang. Empty. What about the painting? Wouldn't it look great in our den?"

"That's the first dollar I ever extorted."