Art Professor T-Shirts

'Must be the footnotes.'

Art Plagiarism

'Art overload - even this is beginning to llke like kitsch.'

'Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!'

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

'It's deja vous all over again!'

Artist ignoring nude woman and focusing on flower.

'This is the painting he was about to start when he shot himself.'

Dec 5: Rubbish skip wins Turner Prize at expense of fine art paintings.

A rude model.

"It's a forgery, alright! And by the looks of it... a fairly recent one."

"If art was meant to be understood by the common man then the common man would have a degree in art appreciation."

A Puppet Named Juan

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

The Artist

Paul Klee

'I'm in my Blue period.'

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"I don't think I can express what I have to say in just colored paper and glue."

Instructional guide to scribbling

"In the beginning, God created, like, 300 concept sketches..."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Children's artwork exhibition.

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

'BANG' and a cosmology institute appears.

'Hi, Miss Henderson, we did collage in class today. Can you drive me home?'

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."