Art Lecturer T-Shirts

'I may not know art, but I know what goes over a green sofa.'

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

"Today we'll explore the origin of the cartoon universe. Also know as the 'Cartooniverse'."

A Puppet Named Juan

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

'But I digress...'

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

The Artist

Paul Klee

Eternal Student.

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

'I'm in my Blue period.'

"Make a lot of money."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"I don't think I can express what I have to say in just colored paper and glue."

Instructional guide to scribbling

Scarcity

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

"In the beginning, God created, like, 300 concept sketches..."

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

Children's artwork exhibition.