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"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

'Yes, of course they're prints.'

"St Tropez! Picasso's son! Never forget a face."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"I think he was a celebrity."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"We're looking for something for our panic room."

The Rise of Modern Art

Rodin's Browser

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

Rodin's Cloakroom Thief

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

The Cremaster Cycle

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"It's wonderful, darling. It really says Manhattan."

"Can we get some more bread sticks over here?"

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

"I read 'Art News.'"

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

Private Viewing

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"How did this comma get in with all the pieces?"

"Well, what's your recommendation?"

"If that were a Jasper Johns, dear, we could sell it for three million dollars."

Man getting hot looking at picture of desert.

"'Talent borrows, genius steals' - that's one of mine, too."

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."