Art Critic In Training Gifts

Meet Mr. Twitters.

"This is one of her more important paintings from her early period."

'This painting makes no sense. Where are the directions?'

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"Mommy will hang this on the refrigerator just as soon as you fine-tune the perspective."

"Make me look like more of a people person, you paint-slinging nitwit."

You're my Mona Lisa.

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Use your imagination.

"Well....I could've done this!"

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'Projectile painting.'

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

The Rise of Modern Art

Convenience.

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"