Art Critic In Training Pillows

Meet Mr. Twitters.

"This is one of her more important paintings from her early period."

'This painting makes no sense. Where are the directions?'

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"Mommy will hang this on the refrigerator just as soon as you fine-tune the perspective."

You're my Mona Lisa.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Well....I could've done this!"

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Use your imagination.

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'Projectile painting.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

A Footnote - Self Portrait of Beardsley, Bound to the God of Nature

Framed Lady