Armed Escort T-Shirts

"Cash is tomorrow. Today we're carrying printer ink."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

Medieval Vacation: 'What? I am relaxed. I'm relaxing!'

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

You thought YOU hated YOUR job?

Restraining orders from the stars.

'I want you to 'take him for a walk.''

'The king wants a gesture, not a jester.'

"What I like most about you, Roberts, old boy, is that you don't talk back."

Grim reaper ambulance

'What do I do for a living?? Isn't it obvious?'

Bashful Royal Guard

'To protect their investments, many baseball owners are hiring bodyguards for their players.'

"We don't need a digital security guard. Hackers don't actually come to our house."

Press spy infiltrates Buckingham palace dressed as a guard.

'Do you have an appointment?'

What can I get you? A lemonade, and a scone for my avatar. No way. You have an avatar? Sure. Who doesn't? It's the hip thing. But that's just a movie concept. You're living in an imaginary kid world, right? If you say so. Okay, so one lemonade and one pretend scone. Real scone. For my real avatar. Don't let it get to you. How come I don't have an avatar?!?! You're cruel, lady. Give me my $5. Best money I ever spent.

A giant hand identifies giant legs in a police line-up.

"Quick! Turn the siren on!"

'It's a great country kid, anyone can grow up to be security to the president.'

Soldier With Mouse Ears.

'Dad, I want to drive an army tank when I'm older.'

"I was about your age when I, too, started having security concerns."

A hard looking dog enters the Bodyguard school

Dignity and Impudence.

'The neighbors called to complain about your armor squeaking again.'

'I'm a marine. This is our new camouflage.'

"I may be a newt, but I'm still King -- find that witch!"

Football Security

'...perhaps it is rather tempting fate.'

'Look, either tell me your name or the marriage is off.'

Guarded optimism.

'Quick, turn the siren on!'