Armchair Scientist Gifts

"Honey, come look! I've found some information all the world's top scientists and doctors missed."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

The intellectual.

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

Turkish Democracy

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"I should've never studied canon law."

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

The Three Kinds of People

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

"I don't believe in egrets."

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

"Damn, I forgot to pack a jumper."