Armchair Generals Pillows

'We now have enough nuclear weapons to blow up the earth sixteen times, which should finally take care of the mole problem in my front yard!'

'Our war plan is simple, we point the cursor at whichever of Saddam's palaces we wish to destroy.'

You Can't Escape Zombies in a Canoe

The Forever War

Fight Them There, Not Here

Uncle Mort, you fought in Korea, right? You think that war will start up again? Not if I can help it. It was the morning of July 27, nineteen hundred and fifty-three. I was pinned down on Pork Chop Hill. My bazooka had run out of ammo. All I could find to load into it was a stuffed panda bear. I loaded it and fired that bear into the maw of the enemy. It struck one of them atop the noggin. Moments later, the armistice was signed. Every July 27th, I awaken at dawn and chuck that same panda at the

'We have to beat our armalitites into ballot boxes!'

'I found it on Craig's List.'

They're Not Just That Into It

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

Israel/Palestine Conflict

The intellectual.

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'I think they're up to something.'

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

"Now there's a weapon of mass destruction."

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

'Well, he's always been a hero to me.'

'...It's O.K. hon', it's just the third world.'

"Uh...I wonder if this is still a good idea."

"Ahh, shade."

"We're making the World a safer place for nuclear explosions."

Kim-Putin Summit

EU

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

Militant Pacifists

Actualities - The European Equilibrium

'M.O.D. find budget replacement for the Fleet Air arm.'

Tank driver wielding a slingshot.

Lisbon Treaty.

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

"Listen, everybody; as a special treat, David will now read us several of his recent letters to The New York Times, chiding them for criticizing Israel."

More Excuses to Stay in Afghanistan

Military history